So, I had this friend, we’ll call her Kim. Kim had a boyfriend named Steve. Kim was my best friend for a few years but started drifting away from me when she started dating Steve. I should have seen this as a warning sign, but instead I just saw it as a friend wanting time with her boyfriend. Well, it turned out that Steve didn’t like me (though he barely knew me at all) and had been telling Kim bad things about me so we would stop being friends.

 

Months later, Kim came crying to me telling me that she and Steve had broken up. She confided that Steve was terrible to her, called her names, constantly told her that she wasn’t good enough for him, had hit her a few times, and once even threatened to cut her with glass.

 

Our friendship returned to normal for a few weeks, but just as suddenly as she had stepped back into my life, she stepped back out. All of a sudden she was ignoring my calls again, avoiding making eye contact with me at school, and of course she was back with Steve.

 

I found out later that he had come to her crying, begging her to take him back. And she had. Kim hasn’t called me or spoken to me in months but I know that she’s still with Steve. I have no idea what he’s doing to her and I have no way of finding out whether she’s safe. All I can do is hope that she is and try to help others in situations like hers.

 

An abusive relationship – like Kim and Steve’s – is characterized by physical violence, extreme jealousy, threats, emotional withholding, verbal abuse and sexual coercion. The abused partner often has trouble leaving out of fear, love, loneliness or, as in Kim’s case, a combination of the three. The abused partner often will ignore the problem in the hopes that it will go away over time, but this usually never happens – instead the abuse gets worse. Emotional and verbal abuse frequently shifts to more overt threats or physical abuse, particularly in times of stress.

 

Abusive relationships wear down one’s self-esteem. The abused starts to lose their sense of self and becomes overly dependent on their abuser. They believe that this is “all they deserve or will ever get.” These relationships and the dependency upon them is life-threatening even if the abuse is emotional rather than physical. This is because, aside from the physical harm caused by physical abuse, the victims are often suicidal as well. To drive the point home, view some public service videos by teens or survivors.

 

 

What are the warning signs of an abusive relationship? Some of them include:

If you are in an abusive relationship, remember that you are not alone. Contact your family and friends even if you have been cut off from them – chances are they know what’s going on and have been waiting for you to come to them for help. Call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (1-800-331-9474) and www.loveisabuse.org and take the relationship quiz.

 

Try to convince your partner to get help because even though you leave and they are no longer abusing you, they will find someone else to hurt instead. No one deserves to be abused. Get out of the relationship.