Would it surprise you to learn that most teens don’t discuss their boyfriend or girlfriend relationships with their parents? That they hide their online activities? That they don’t feel comfortable asking their parents for advice on friends or school?
These were the results from a 2009 Pangea Media survey on teen-parent relationships. Parents may be shocked by this data. Teens, maybe not so much.
As far as teen activity online, most teens probably aren’t hiding anything inappropriate from their parents. They just want privacy. I wouldn’t want my parents hacking into my computer or looking at my Facebook page. If they asked, though, I would show them. I’d just like the courtesy of being asked—and I think that’s how most teens feel.
It seems to me that many parents feel awkward asking their teens certain questions, like about relationships or friends. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing and offending their teens. Unfortunately, if parents don’t ask questions, teens see it as disinterest. They don’t talk to their parents because they think their parents don’t want to know about them.
As a teen, my advice to parents is: swallow your pride. Ask deeper questions than “How was your day?” Instead, ask things like, “What did you do this weekend? How are your friends doing? Are you dating anybody? How is your relationship going?” Don’t be so worried about a negative response.
My advice to teens: answer your parents’ questions! They aren’t asking to annoy you; they just want to know about your life. Tell them. You’ll feel better if you do.
Parents, if you need help getting your teen to communicate with you, try doing something your teen likes. You could take your teen to a movie or go out to lunch. I do a lot of theater, and though it is not my parents’ particular area of interest, they make sure that they come to every show I’m in and we always go out for dinner afterward.
Another good idea is to try to eat dinner as a family at least once a week. This means that parents need to be home from work on time and teens may need to wait a little longer before heading out with friends. But it’s worth it: the dinner table is a great place for family discussions.
Compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or illegal drugs.
Did you know: The best way to improve communication is to listen without judgment and give the other person freedom to express to talk.
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This article has been reviewed by BodiMojo expert, Tara Cousineau, Ph.D.
