The parent-teen relationship has always been a precarious one – at best. Teens like me seek a degree of freedom – and most importantly privacy – from the watchful eye of parents. But teen independence is often met by resistance from parents who think they’re looking out for the best for their kids. The gap between parents and teens is particularly pronounced when it comes to the Internet – a place that teens use for social networking, entertainment and information, but for many parents, an uncharted frontier posing risks to their children.

The vast size of the Internet and the sheer amount (and type) of information available to kids with just a few keystrokes can be alarming, prompting many parents to become concerned about their children's online safety, while also piquing curiosity: What, exactly, does their teen do in front of the screen all day? In 2009 a new piece of free software was released by Norton (the same company that creates antivirus software), allowing parents to monitor their children’s Internet history and chat logs, giving parents complete access to their teen’s Internet activity. The new software is founded on a valid rationale: parents want to keep their children safe, especially with the threat of online predators, and sure, mom and dad, you do have a right to know about your children’s activity. But regardless of the risks of Internet use, when parents surreptitiously monitor their child’s actions, it undermines the very foundation of a parent-teen relationship: trust.

The simple truth is that most teens like me use the Internet wisely. Personally, my Internet use consists of checking e-mail, IMing friends, flipping through Facebook, watching YouTube videos, doing homework and reading the news – all benign activities. That is not to say that there is no risk in teenage Internet behaviors, but it does support the notion that, like me, most kids’ Web activity is pretty mundane. Just as it would be silly for a parent to meticulously follow their teen through school, social interactions, work, activities, etc. in the real world, doing so online is equally frivolous. And if teens know that their parents will be “checking up on them,” there’s a feeling of lack of trust, which can further isolate kids from their parents.

Instead, parents, take the time to educate and talk with your child about safe Internet use – but that should never mean invasive breaches of privacy, as Norton’s new software allows. And teens, take proactive steps to talk about what you’re doing on the Web, both to build trust and to give your parents peace of mind. But ultimately, the struggle for teenage independence will always persist – online and off.