BodiMojo Blog

By Remy Marin

            A few years ago, I was among the many gossip magazine readers and writers around the country who were shocked and appalled when singer Jessica Simpson was dumped via text by her then-boyfriend, Adam Levine of Maroon 5.  Reportedly, the offending text merely consisted of, “Really busy.  Need space.” 

            Now, anyone who has gone through a break-up it knows that the experience can really hurt, and as Jessica would probably tell you, it can make things that much more when the offending ex doesn’t even take the time to tell you in person.  “It can sound so curt,” says Susan RoAne, author of “Face to Face: How to Reclaim the Personal Touch in a Digital World.”  “There’s no tone, no context for what the other person is reading, and that prevents them from preserving any dignity.”

            I was surprised to find that a recent survey showed about 30 percent of kids and 2 percent of adults say that that texting a breaking up is in the clear.  With texting, explains Amanda Lenhart, senior researcher at the Pew Internet & American Life Project, “You don’t see the person’s upper lip tremble.  You don’t hear their voice quiver.  You don’t get those external, non-textual cues.” In other words, it’s less painful to break up this way – so some people think it’s OK.

            Many will agree that emotional detachment is what prompts them to break up by text.  Twenty-three year old Andrew Weigle of Falls Church, Va., admits, “I’m not the most verbal person when it comes to expressing emotions.  But with text messaging, I can put it out there and feel like I’m not saying it. I find there’s a little more freedom to say what you’re feeling.”

            So, you get the same point across, but without having to feel attached and see the other person hurt.  Doesn’t that sound absolutely perfect?  Maybe not.  “Just because it’s easy,” explains RoAne, “does not mean breaking up with someone via text or e-mail is ever acceptable.”  And it’s true!  As uncomfortable and upsetting as it might be, breaking up with someone face-to-face is not only the right thing to do, but also your to-be-ex will really appreciate that you took the time to think about his or her feelings.

            Now, I’ll be honest with you.  I understand how tempting it is to just whip out your cell phone when the time for a break up rolls around.  So if you are a teen – or even an adult – who is nervous about breaking up with someone, here are a few tips to make it a bit easier. 

First is to be honest, but not brutally so. Try to give a sincere reason that does not put any blame on the other person, and pay attention to your wording.

 Second, think about location.  If you know the schedule of the person you’re going to text, wait until they – and you – are at a semi-private place.  Finding the balance between a public area and an empty house will ensure that you don’t make a scene or leave the person in complete silent isolation. 

Third, be mindful of the other person’s feelings post-break up.  Be friendly if you pass each other in the hallways, but don’t try to force a friendship until the other person is ready.  Also, don’t go around announcing that you dumped your ex; that just adds embarrassment.

            I really like my cell phone, and I’d hate to be reminded of being dumped every time I looked at it.  And I’m sure that you wouldn’t either.

            For more advice and information on break ups in general and through texting, check out these sites: Break Up Advice, Netiquette, and TMB.

            Remy Marin is a Boston-area sophomore who is interested in humanities and foreign languages.  In her spare time she loves to compete in forensics, dance, and spend time with her friends, sister – and hamster!