Parents and Teens: How Well Do You Really Know Each Other?

By Kendall Stewart

A recent survey on teens and their parents had some shocking (or not so shocking?) results – or, that’s my opinion, as a 18-year-old. It showed that most teens don’t discuss their boyfriend/girlfriend relationships with their parents, hide their online activities, and don’t feel comfortable asking their parents for advice on friends or school.

However, it doesn’t need to be that way. Most teens aren’t hiding anything inappropriate in their Internet activity, they just want privacy. I know that I wouldn’t want my parents hacking into my computer or looking at my Facebook page. I would show them if they asked, I’d just like the courtesy of being asked, and that’s where most other teens are coming from.

The case with most parents is that they feel awkward asking certain questions, like about relationships or friends. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing and offending their teens. Unfortunately teens often see this lack of asking as disinterest. They don’t say anything because they think that their parents don’t want to know.

In order to fix this, parents need to swallow their pride. They need to ask deeper questions than, “How was your day?” They need to ask questions like, “What did you do this weekend? How are your friends doing? Are you dating anybody? How is your relationship going?” And not be worried about a negative response.

From the teen’s side, we need to answer these questions. Parents aren’t asking to annoy us, they want to know about our lives. Tell them, you’ll feel better if you do.

Parents, do you need help getting your teen to communicate with you? Try doing something that your teen likes doing. I do a lot of theatre, and though it is not my parents particular interest, they make sure they come to every show that I’m in and we always go out for dinner afterward. Do something like that, take your teens to a movie or go out for lunch.

Another good idea is to try to eat dinner as a family at least once a week. This means that parents need to be home from work on time and teens need to wait a little longer to head out with their friends. The dinner table is a perfect place for family discussions.

Kendall Stewart is a Boston-area high school senior whose interests include journalism and drama. She will be attending Emerson College in the fall.

For more tips on family communication for parents go to www.mvpparents.com

For tips for teens go to www.kidshealth.org/teen